Any day now and I will be on the other side. Since I’ve been #decidedlySane one action at a time in the moments within the cycle of PMDD I’ve been busy. I thought I was in the clear. I thought that perhaps this month I would not want to die. I thought…I’d might be fucking normal. I’m having a hard time. The act of writing this is painful to me. I am trying to push through. I am having a hard time breathing through. Pressing buttons, ugh! I feel like I am being pressed. I feel like one of these little black keys lit from behind. Which button would I be? I’d like to be “DELETE”It’s taken me one hour to write this and I want to slam my computer against the wall…
Self Care Check List:
I slept 7 hours last night.
I washed my hair
I wore mascara and lipstick
I drank only one real cup of coffee
I drank a lot of water
I actually went to work and pretended to work in between really productive moments
I attempted to communicate with my friends
I avoided difficult thought provoking conversations.
In this moment I am miserable. Who knows what the next moment will bring, but it does give me a sense of hope and joy to know that I pushed through these past near 2 hours now to write this.
I’m actually feeling a bit fulfilled.