I want to share part of my PMDD story before Prozac because I have to divulge that I had no idea that I had PMDD for a big chunk of my life. I just thought I had bad PMS and in retrospect no one had information on the matter.
- I’d eat a little more.
- I’d drink a little more alcohol.
- I’d press snooze a little more often during the week.
- I’d be so irritable that I would isolate and break plans with friends.
- I began to loose interest in things I actually cared about: brunch in NYC happened less and less around PMDD or “PMS.”
- I noticed that maybe I saw my friends once a month if that…people began to drift away. Perhaps it was I? I definitely felt alone.
I was diagnosed with depression. I was prescribed Lexapro (http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-63990-Lexapro+Oral.aspx?drugid=63990)
For a short period of time, there was an upswing perod, yet I had an extrmeley hard time adjusting to Lexapro. I felt as if I were unraveling throughout the first month and I felt very skittish and paranoid. I am normally a very confident, strong willed New Yorker – Skittish was a joke of a side affect! Being paranoid was a head-trip.
I proceeded to take 20mg daily for a year. I was able to be social but not quite fun to be around. I was “angry dunk girl” and completely pissed off about gaining 20lbs. I was angry with myself for needing to be on a pill to be “ok.” Yet, I was nowhere near “ok.” I went to therapy and against everyone’s advice decided that this little pill was not for me and I weaned myself off…I don’t suggest anyone do this without your doctors support. This was the beginning of the end. A complete transformation occurred and I was unrecognizable not only to myself, but to those closest to me.
I thought I might be bipolar (http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/default.htm) because the mood swings were so incredibly obvious and painful. I decided that perhaps I should change my diet, eat healthier, stop drinking since alcohol and Lexapro was not a great combo, my “PMS” and alcohol was not bringing me any solace and I felt the need to hold on to some shred of dignity. So much damage had been done in my career and friendships…I was desperate to be healthy, but didn’t want to take another anti-depressant.