In the past I have been able to directly correlate my stress level with the severity of the PMDD period. However well I take care of my self; stress is the number one offender for me. This month in particular was difficult because I am under extreme pressure and so I had to lean heavily on eating healthy, yoga and rest.
I had to take an honest assessment of myself and evaluate the stressors and what if any I could release from my racing mind. I could almost see myself as a third person thinking negatively and wanting to react in a mean spirited way to myself, others and situations that normally wouldn’t affect me as much. Although once I arrested my mind and became mindful, I didn’t cause pain to anyone or self-sabotage.
Instead, I forced myself to go yoga, sit in quiet and remove myself from people that I might be mean to. I was honest with those around me that used to bear the brunt of my PMDD. I admitted to them where I was and I was received with love and compassion and given the space to get through it. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings and while I felt my feelings were being incessantly hurt, I realized that it was my thinking.
I was feeling inadequate in many areas of my life. Although that may be somewhat true, I gave into feeling like a failure and began listing every part of my life where I made a wrong decision. I then began to feel really unattractive, miserable and wanted to eat loads of crappy food to fill in the giant sized hole in my spirit. In an instant I realized that was enjoying beating myself up and I had to toss the bullshit flag and yell out loud, “Shut the fuck up, Lizette! This is some bullshit thinking.”
What a revelation! I instantly felt empowered. I told myself to shut up, sit down and be decidedly sane in the quiet. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled…sounds crazy? Well, if you’ve experienced PMDD you’ll probably relate.