There is something to be said about hanging out in your head for too long and isolating. Its like going hiking on a tricky path unarmed with the tools necessary to get you through. I say this because when I am focused on a project, paying it forward, practicing my spiritual practice I am in essence taking care of myself. I am trekking along the hike prepared for any detours that may arise.
However, the minute I go in and begin kicking up resentments about where I am or about things that still tick me off from the past and I go through the list of things I haven’t yet accomplished or the opportunities that slipped through my fingers, I get lost. I loose my way because in that moment, I’ve forgotten the lessons learned, how I’ve grown and all I’ve gained along the way. Remembering that I have gotten myself through many winding paths of confusion and now have more clarity than ever before is where the proof of growth is. If I continue to feel like I’ve lost or am missing something, I am no longer in acceptance of where I am today and it doesn’t end there. This will lead to my sliding into self-doubt and insecurity. I will lose my footing and trip over the most granular of pebbles along the trail. It’s insane to walk around in my head for too long unprepared and willing to be lost; I get nowhere very quickly and I begin to unravel.
Although the emotions and insanity are reminiscent, this is not PMDD. This is what happens to anyone who is struggling with self-doubt, insecurity, making a huge decision or simply going through a tough time. This is life. There are many correlations between feelings of anger and depression with PMDD. In my own experience, there are correlations with feeling a huge sense of confusion when experiencing PMDD and there is also this impending sense of doom before the blood comes. I’ve learned that I cannot be in a perpetual state of PMDD, however I may have felt like I was. The times in-between were so short for a long while. I literally became complacent with feelings of dread. It was the darkest time of my life. I was submerged in feeling like shit for a really long time.
I found the solution for me to rise above constant darkness. Becoming mindful of my temperament in-between the rage and the quiet was the first step. There are so many emotions between happy and angry; unimaginable I know, but there are and I don’t mean sadness and rage. My journey began with the simplest idea of communicating with myself and pushing myself to experience other feelings. This meant I had to engage in life and find something light, easy, funny and experience laughter. I had to tell myself that I was worth loving. I knew that there was more to life than what I was experiencing. Creating an existence anchored in mindfulness by incorporating self-care. This is the keystone to my being able to navigate even the trickiest of trails.
Ultimately, life is the greatest journey our individual minds will ever experience. How we navigate it is our choice. Choose to be decidedlySane and live it to the fullest. Experience the peaks and the valleys. Change your language about yourself. Communicate lovingly and remember that there are so many emotions between happiness and anger.