If we are born with a “set” happy point and only 10% of our happiness is situational and the other 40% is influenced by a combination of all of the things we do in our lives, then I’ve got to get out of my own way. I can’t do anything but bring balance to the 50% that I am already preconditioned by. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, Author of The How of Happiness, we can develop a skill set that allows us to embrace opportunities to be happier people.
I can relate to developing a skill set. For me that’s a fundamental idea of an opportunity for growth. Developing positive habits and letting go of what ails me is a cognitive daily practice. I began this experiment only a few months ago. One morning I realized I had this track overlay running negative thoughts that created feelings of loneliness, little self-worth and very little self-love. I was in the habit of self-loathing. It was a heartbreaking realization. How can I who has so much love for all of those around me, who would sacrifice all I have for those that I love have such contempt for myself?
I refused to allow the answer to that question to be because I have PMDD. I refused to give any more power to my PMDD. I understand that I have the affliction, but I have embarked in lifestyle changes that include eating healthy, sleeping enough and working out. I decided to do what I’ve suggested to many of my friends to do for themselves and developed a list of actions towards becoming a happier person beyond PMDD.
Here are a few things that have worked for me:
- I decided to treat myself with love. Every morning before I open my eyes, I tell myself that I love me and it’s going to be a great day. I take a quiet moment and awaken. I serve myself coffee with a smile. I take inventory of my life and what I am grateful for. I allow myself to feel safe. I encourage myself to grow beyond my comfort zone.
- I decided I had to offer myself the same love and care that I would offer a lover.
- I decided to pamper myself. Allow myself to feel good about treating myself to a massage, new clothes, and work out gear. A Mani Pedi for no reason. I dropped the guilt of self-care and decided to give that attention to myself because I am alive and deserve it.
- I decided to always have something to look forward to. I fill my calendar with events that allow me to engage with people so I am not stuck and alone in my head.
- I decided to smile at strangers and offer salutations.
- I decided to hold doors open for people to help them get to where they are going.
- I decided to not take myself so seriously and be silly.
- I decided to remember to smile when I speak. It’s amazing how my disposition has transformed since I began focusing on smiling more often. Forget about the crow’s feet, I feel great about it!
In summary, all of the negative thoughts when met half way with a kind, loving and inspiring voice began to diminish. Just the other day I found myself rushing to my car and zipping along and I paused to gauge my disposition and I thought – I am excited! I was only going to work. Ha!
- My 10% consists of work, my home, friends and family. Check!
- What was I born with? A lot of ish and working on it always…
- What’s my 40%? Change your thoughts change your life.
We are all works in progress…I am not perfect and it’s ok. If we can add a little value to the universe, especially if we know HOW we can make a difference then, why not try? Work on smiling in the mirror…#decidedlySane